Again.

I texted this to teo - "It's not because of the specs, it's because people simply don't give a damn."

Every time I made realizations she's the first I texted, and partly because of the many similarities we have, and the insecurities that made us who we are, we connect so well. We were never in the same school, the people we know are like at world's end, she's living the life of an elite and really, really smart, her achievements are shamelessly long and she's pretty and really smart, basically, all achiever... what's more amazing is that she has a beautiful heart. I am not in love with her or homo or whatsoever, but I'm just overwhelmingly grateful that a person like that is actually someone whom I can pour my heart out to.

Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate the people in my life still, I guessed at some point or another, I took them for granted more often... perhaps because we all used to operate from the same base line. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be treating people like that, like they owed me. Thinking about all these just reminds me that I am really selfish, and so ungrateful for whatever I have now, and that I don't even deserve them anymore.

It's disgusting when you realise that deep down you are not who you think you are. Well, at least I'm evolving day by day. Evolution is natural isn't it? I don't think what's happening to me now is natural though hahaha. I don't think its a bad thing, I just think that if this really is an evolution, being all natural and such, not everyone would be able to accept the it[truth aka reality], let alone hearing it. It's like how we are all living in reality, coated with a layer of sugar icing, namely Fantasy. And only when we got all sick and tired about it, we removed it bits by bits till we see what is originally underneath. A little similar to that all-time favourite phrase - Digging your own grave. Fundamentally, it's the same thing, it's all part of the equation, in the end, just a false dichotomy.

Apologies for the digression, let's move back to the initial statement of this post. Story - I changed my specs, and people I'd knew couldn't recognize me. Situation 1: 5 minutes into conversation I had a question asking me "Where have I seen you before?", 2: After the course of dinner until I told her my identity, 3: walking past one of them and smiling to them. Honestly speaking, I didn't mind initially, in fact, I thought it was pretty cool, as if I'm another person, non-accountable to anyone. Eventually, it got to me though. How is it possible that these people can't recognize me? I managed to convince myself that I just looked THAT different.

Yes, I do mind people not remembering me, maybe it's because I'm really good at remembering names and faces. I'm hardly good at anything but this is one area that I could in fact, be proud of myself even.

It was that very same day that I met my secondary school classmate, which recognize me after not seeing each other for 3 full years and what's more is that, we weren't even close to begin with. Like how 2 other girls in Uni recognize me after not meeting for 2 months. It was that very moment that made me realised what I'd realised.

If people really cared, the amount of time never matters, when the time comes, they will know it. As for those who don't, it's not an issue of forgetting, it's an issue of not remembering in the first place, presumably they simply do not care. I hope I'm wrong, but this time I think I'm right.